MAYA;

[goalsides]

Comments

w6 saturday

[goalsides]

where are you?
can you meet me outside of fall?

[feytality]

ok

[ she is coming ]

[goalsides]

[there she is...ms. murder...when she comes outside she'll find taichi standing in front of fall. he looks a little exhausted, but he lifts a hand to wave.]

...how're you doing?

[feytality]

[ she just. looks at him. and says nothing ]

(Why do you care about that at a time like this....)

[goalsides]

...Maya, c'mon. [this isn't you. we're still friends.]

[feytality]

Sorry.

I just don't know how to answer that.

[goalsides]

[hm.]

Too hard to describe?

[feytality]

Something like that.

[ it's mostly just bad and horrible and guilty that people are asking her about her feelings when she killed manwol and denji's going to die for it ]

[goalsides]

I get it. Sometimes you do something, and the results aren't what you expected at all. [yes. sure.] ...wanna go for a walk? We could both probably use the air and take a breather.

[and also he's very unsure right now since that's a very strange answer given who maya is.]

[feytality]

..... Okay.

[ does he get it? she just follows after him wherever he's walking ]

[ she's pretty quiet ]

[goalsides]

[they will walk! he's...heading around the quad mostly just to keep them moving.]

...did you mean what you said earlier? About saving everybody.

[feytality]

Yeah. I.... I really believed it, at the time. I believed with all my heart that killing her would save everyone, and that I was the only one who could do it.

[ she clenches her fists ]

I was so stupid.

[goalsides]

[he's going to light this campus on fire.]

You weren't...this place messes with people. You remember that, don't you? It's what we said about Tsuyukusa, too.

[feytality]

I know... I just....

[ maya can forgive literally everyone but herself ]

With everything, and Denji... I can't help but feel responsible.

[goalsides]

...[he's gonna feel shitty about this, but.]

Do you think Manwol would hold this against you?

[feytality]

I know that she doesn't.

[ her voice gets very pitchy and uneven and she's close to tears ]

The whole time, all she wanted to do was save me. Even though she knew what I--- she knew what I was going to do.

[goalsides]

[oh fuck, whoops. he holds up his hands like he's placating her, or like he's about to put them on her shoulders.]

Okay. Okay, then...I'm sure she'll forgive you. And she'll want you to forgive yourself, too. That wasn't you.

[feytality]

[ that's u get taichi!!! ]

It's.... it's not that easy for me to accept something like that, you know. Even though I want to.

[goalsides]

...I know you're probably not gonna believe me, but I get it. It's not gonna happen overnight, but...it's something we have to keep in mind so we don't drown.

[feytality]

... You get it?

[ she believes him, she just wants to know more ]

[goalsides]

...sometimes you find that you really don't have another choice. Even when people tell you it's okay, other people might object. But it doesn't change that you believe something to be true and have to take that chance to try and see things through to save other people. Even if it's the right thing, it doesn't make it easier afterwards, I think, to deal with what happens next.

[feytality]

[ maya listens to this..... and puts a hand on his arm ]

(I think I understand...)

Yeah. I ... almost wish people were angry at me, you know? Everyone just.. being so kind... it makes it harder, to.... really forgive myself. You must understand that a little, too.

[goalsides]

Sort of, yeah. You want people to protest because you know that what you did wasn't morally right, even if it was the best option at the time and it was necessary.

[...]

Do you remember what I told you about Thursday and the monsters we fought in the Fear Factory?

[feytality]

[ me runs to check the pc bc ive been dealing with murder stuff the past few days ]

That you had to fight... or die?

[goalsides]

...that too, but that the monster I fought was myself, specifically.

[you were busy its ok.]