LUX;

[goalsides]

Comments

[goalsides]

[there's a pause like he's thinking of something...]

I dunno. At the same time, I think it's possible for those situations to happen in real life, too. Isn't it all about a balance? Sometimes those situations make it more obvious how much someone cares about someone else. But...it's spring. Love is in the air or whatever. If people have an environment where they feel like they can relax that's probably better for that kind of thing. I guess.

[is this a good use of their time? no. is he taking this seriously to distract both of them a little anyway? yes.]

[illuminance]

Mm. Our "relaxed" environment" only lasts us a couple of days - but I have promised to take it easy for the week.

So perhaps this will be my time to find love!

[ she's kidding. she actually feels kind of disgusted at the idea, but it's hard to say if that's towards romance or towards the idea of relaxing in itself. ]

[goalsides]

Perhaps so. [the way he says it is kind of a joke because he knows lux has a time not being productive. they're alike that way. but he seems to be thinking on that anyhow.]

...maybe it wouldn't be that bad, you know? Having somebody. [the "for you" is implied because he's Aware lux is on her own here and back home.]

[illuminance]

[ wow, more squiggly all over the place feelings! ]

... It's a nice daydream.

[goalsides]

[...hm...curiosity appears in little blips.]

Is it a daydream you'd even want to think about though?

[illuminance]

[ the first coherent emotion from her is that she's a little embarrassed to admit it, but: ]

Of course. I like the idea of being loved by someone. Of being lovable.

[ in fact, there's a kind of desperation, there. not even towards any person in particular just - the idea of someone? anyone? please care about her? ... she's ignoring it! ]

What about you?

[goalsides]

[...lux :(]

Some people aren't into it, so I didn't want to assume. But I also think it's probably possible for just about anybody to be loved.

[turning the question back around on him isn't exactly surprising, but he still has a sense of uncertainty and disappointment that pops up before it evens out.]

...the idea's kind of scary, but it's not a bad one. I think it's something people need.

[illuminance]

[ she's fine... curious, in fact? ]

Scary...? How so?

[goalsides]

[he thinks about not actually answering her, but...it's lux. and maybe she'll understand.]

Because it means that a person that loves you wants to know everything about you, and there are some parts that maybe shouldn't be shared sometimes. Or they're too difficult to share.

[illuminance]

[ she understands that well, and nods. but her idea of it is a little different. ]

... I imagine that being in love is finally losing that fear. I imagine that love is something where - that would be the one person you don't have to be afraid will reject parts of you.

[goalsides]

Oh, no. It's not about that. [he seems certain about that.] I'm not worried about people rejecting things.

[...but he doesn't elaborate this time and instead he smiles slightly.]

But you're right. The whole point of being in love is that the other person cares about you unconditionally. It's a nice idea. And even after that, being in love probably means that those parts will change and be stronger together.

[illuminance]

[ hm, she's a little curious about what he means, but... he doesn't really open up much, she's noticed. so the idea of him being unsettled by 'they would expect you to open up' makes sense.

her own undercurrent of desperation isn't going anywhere, but at least there's a genuine warmth at the idea of romance kind of overpowering it. ]

Helping one another to change and grow. Filling in one another's blanks, and learning from one another's best traits.

It sounds like a truly wonderful thing.

[goalsides]

[someone please love lux, i am begging. but there's a sense of reassurance, followed by something...fond, maybe, that doesn't quite fit with his other emotions.]

It is. [it's said immediately, but then he pauses as if debating how to continue there.] The idea of being with someone is that it's someone you'll be with for a lot time, right? So being able to grow and change and make each other better makes sense. Why would you be with anyone else?

People usually are better with strength from other people anyway. [he says all of this, but there is a slight disconnect between what he's saying and how he feels about it being applied to himself.]

[illuminance]

[ huh. that disconnect is... interesting? but she's also not unfamiliar with grey areas and internal conflicts. liking things and not wanting them, maybe? she's not sure. ]

Well. If you desire such a thing, just get your fortune told by practically anyone here, and they will assure you that love is on its way!

[goalsides]

[there's a laugh then.]

As fun as it is, I think I'll pass. [but...] We've been here for a while now. You think it's been enough time for people to start feeling that way about other people?

[illuminance]

Everything starts somewhere.

I think it would be strange for anyone to feel any certainty that they've met some kind of soul mate. But being attracted to someone, liking what you've gotten to know of them, and finding that it's mutual - that wouldn't surprise me.

[goalsides]

[hm...]

Have you found someone you've thought of like that since we got here?

[he may have also gone to soc 145 today, it's fine.]

[illuminance]

[ there's like a wave of shame? it's fine, she's smiling brightly! ]

No.

What about you?

[goalsides]

[no shame!! there's a flicker of concern? hello?

and that's immediately drowned out by...some kind of weird white noise? it's like a cacophony of emotions that are tangled up and can't be identified properly.]

Nah, not really.

[which is technically true because the person he'd even consider is someone he met prior to here. loopholes!]

...there's nothing wrong with that, you know. [he is not? ignoring the shame wave??]

[illuminance]

[ she raises an eyebrow at him because she should be allowed her shame if he's allowed his white noise ]

... I think it isn't worth dwelling on childish crushes that aren't going to be returned. That's all.

[goalsides]

[listen the white noise is because he's stupid it's fine. now he just looks a little determined.]

What makes you so sure they aren't going to be returned? Have you asked?

[illuminance]

I just know. It isn't a big deal.

[ she's being sincere about that - despite her General Desperation, it isn't directed at this in particular. ]

Liking someone can be a very different thing from wanting anything from them or with them.

[goalsides]

[that makes him pause to think for a second.]

I'm not gonna point out that that didn't answer my question and stand by maybe telling the person before deciding it won't go anywhere. But I think I get it. Sometimes you can just like a person because of who they are, even if they aren't actually right for you. Something like that?

[illuminance]

Telling them would only make things uncomfortable for us both, believe me.

Do you recall when everyone was biting one another?

[goalsides]

[there's just a curious blink.]

Yeah. What about it?